"I feel like an ATM rather than a partner at this point": Entitled girlfriend expects 43-year-old boyfriend to pay for her trip abroad despite knowing he's been saving up for his dad's 90th birthday

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    AITA refusing go on an expensive trip with my partner?

    "I don't think I should have to dip into savings just because she suddenly decided she is homesick."
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    AITA? I (M43) had an argument with my partner (F32) about a trip to her home country. We both live abroad, work full-time, and contribute to shared expenses, but I earn more and cover almost all our bills. I also pay for all our travel (usually alternating
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    between visiting her home country and mine each year) and am the only one saving for the future. She spends about a quarter of her salary on shared expenses, with the rest going to herself and her family.
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    Travel is expensive, and after bills and savings, it takes up all my disposable income. This year, my dad is turning 90, and I'm planning something special for him, which means traveling to my
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    90
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    country. It's a milestone birthday, and I want to go all out because I don't know how many more he'll have. It's a huge expense, but to me, it's worth it. Every penny I save is going toward this, and even then, I probably won't have enough saved in time.
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    My partner, however, recently said she wants to go home this year too, even though it's not her turn. I told her I can't afford two big trips, but I could just about manage to buy her a ticket and send her alone if I cut back on my own personal spending. She refused, saying she doesn't want to travel alone and insists I come with her.
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    I suspect part of the reason is financial because if she goes alone, she'll stay in her family's cramped home, but if I go, we'll stay in a hotel that I'd be paying for. On top of that, I'd also be expected to
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    Cheezburger Image 10472267776
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    cover expenses, including meals out with her friends and family. I don't mind doing this once a year when I've planned for it, but this year, all my savings are going toward my dad's birthday.
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    I told her I can't afford both trips, but she insists I have more money than I claim because I save while she doesn't. I told her we could work together to save up for the trip later in the year, but she insists she has to go in the next two months (not enough time to save the required amount) because the weather in her country gets bad after that.
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    I feel like an ATM rather than a partner at this point. If this were an emergency, I'd find a way, but I don't think I should have to dip into savings or take away from my dad's milestone birthday just because she suddenly decided she is homesick.
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    lord_de_heer You dont just feel like an atm, you are. She spends all her money and when she wants more, you pay. 3 options, walk away. Have a very serious talk and rebalance finances. Or keep suffering and working. Right now shes on a mission to drain your savings.
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    mca2021 I'd go with option 2 and split all bills according to income, including travel. She's being irresponsible with her money and is expecting you to step up. It really seems unfair, especially when you go visit her family and she expects you to cover all meals with friends and family. If she refuses, then perhaps consider option 1. You're not her ATM
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    Bitter-Paramedic-531 So she has 3/4 of her income to herself and she wants to spend your money to go home? Errr no. If she can afford to use that money for herself or give it to her family, she can afford her own trip home. NTA.
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    dryadduinath She is fully taking advantage. NTA.
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    Midwest Normal Hmmm... I think there's a term for OP... Oh yes! "Sugar Daddy!"
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    Clever_plover A sugar daddy knows, understands, and consents to the situation he would find himself in, just like a sugar baby would. No conversation about expectations, consent, and all that? No (ethical) sugar relationship happening.
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    Ambitious-Border-906 On the title alone, I came here to say yes, however... You have a long planned trip, with a solid reason for it. Your partner though has just decided on her trip on a whim. Your suggestion was fair, albeit I suspect you are entirely correct about why she turned it down. NTA!
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    Ok_Homework_7621 NTA But sounds like you're paying for too much. If she has so much money left over, she can pay a fair share at home and finance her own travel. She's using you.
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    CP_Griffin It's your year, your father's milestone birthday and that is that. Especially with the insistance about when and how to travel. If it were me I'd be tempted to declare no more subsidized travel for her-period.
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    You're not paying for her to travel with you to your destinations and you're not paying for her travel to her destinations. Everything shared is 50/50 split. Tickets, hotels, meals and entertainment. She's gotten a bit too comfortable with you being the primary provider.
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    Mediocre-Metal-1796 NTA be a good atm and reject the transactions with a "limit reached" message. You shouldn't pay her family and village.. also its unfair that she spends a large part of her income on her family while you pay more into the houshold. This way indirectly you are financing her family...
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    CarelessEquipment426 Nta, she saw you were going to invest a lot in your trip with your dad, and now she wants that money to go see her family and be spoiled. You are an atm she uses all your money and you pay her bills. She should sell her luxury items if she wants to go home so bad
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    DJfromNL NTA. If she's desperate to go, she should find her own way to get there. And if she wants you to join, she'll have to wait a year. It's not upto her to decide where your money is going, and you have it allocated to do something special for your dad while he's still with you (which, at his age, can change without notice).
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    PandaMonyum If she were truly just homesick she would have accepted the travel alone ticket that OP offered, it may not be the ideal vacation but it gets her home.
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    LovelyLehua NTA for refusing to be the ATM for her trip. But should take a look at your life and think if your partner is a partner for life.
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    Which-Pin515 What is hers is hers, what is yours as well She sounds really entitled to your money honey. And you had a system, she has no empathy to you or you dad.... Think hard, be wise before you put a ring on that "gem". This is your best example

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